Oh, I realized that I will never be, my life will never be in static equilibrium. Because Someone waaay stronger, greater, mightier that me would never stop pouring His love over me. It’s an inevitable force that could not be countered, no matter ho hard I try to resist. He’s pushing me towards a plan that He has laid out for me, something good, pleasing and perfect as promised; He’s pulling me closer to Him every single time. Whatever He does to me, for me, through me — it would always cause a permanent deformation to my flawed existence, a good kind of deformation. Because of that force, that internal force in my life, there would be stresses, shears, twisting and bending moments. Yep, because I am a work in progress. I would be afraid, thinking that it’s too much already. I would be thinking, afraid that I might reach my limit and just break down and fall apart. But The Ultimate Designer won’t let that happen to His masterpiece, right?
- delete contacts from my phone
- delete messages!
- organize my phone’s gallery
- unfriend some Facebook friends
- fix and update my Tumbr + Wordpress accounts
- sort (and label) my things at home
- prepare for next sem!
- prepare for upcoming events
- catch up with friends!!!
- catch up with the tv series that i’ve been watching
- try to accomplish items from my bucketlist
- update my journal!
- update my lists!
- read good books
- actually start a DIY project
- write down my plans and thoughts about the future
- plan more ♥
- REST. Pause.
I forget. I forget a lot. I forget most of the time. I forget almost everything - from the most trivial stuff to the most important details.
I feel like I have to put everything on my post it notes. I feel like everything has to be written down. Or else, everything would be just like a cold breeze on a bright sunny day - beautiful, but easily forgotten.
I forget. I forget a lot.
Do you find the need to constantly remind yourself of the same things over and over again, because you constantly forget? Or to constantly make yourself forget, because you constantly remember? You feel awful, and sometimes, it just doesn’t make sense. You seem to know these things by heart, but with just one slip, you forget again, you fall again. You are running in circles, and you wonder if this will ever end. I know I do. I certainly do. It’s frustrating. It’s tiring. It’s tempting to give it all up.
And it’s okay..to be not okay.
Knowing that someone is willing to push you and carry you from time to time, until you reach the finish line if you feel like you are too weak to go on. That someone is willing to lead you (but won’t leave you) when you seem to have lost your way. That someone is willing to catch you every time you fall. That someone by your side cheers you on no matter how loud the boos are from afar. That someone actually cares when you scrape your knees. That someone will pick you up even if you are such a big big mess. That someone is going to wipe your tears, And that someone won’t ever get tired, even if you do.
So it’s okay to be not okay. There is no shame in that, There is no need for pretense. There is no need to project yourself to others as someone who never gets tired and sad and messed up and all. And this, I remind myself.
Just because you don’t see God working in your life doesn’t mean He isn’t there touching hearts, opening doors, and making a way for you! Trust that He is always moving things around in your favor!
This may be a bit late but here’s the list:
highlights of my awesome 2013. ♥
And I quote my end-of-the-year Facebook status:
2013 was a blast (and almost a roller coaster ride)! With all the tears that came together with the ups and downs; I know, the best is yet to come. Yo, 2014!
God, You’re forever awesome (still an understatement)!
Really grateful for the lives of the people who made my year lovely and colorful and wonderful.
THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS YEAR! Looking forward for 2014!
♥ Baguio Trip!!
| October28 to October30 |
Ate Ria + Kerzey + Ben + Pau + Nikki + Michelle + Kenneth + Monique + Shane + Kael (oh, this lovely, clingy little boy!) + Dave + Tita Elvie + Tita Evelyn.
"Hi guyth!" ☺
This was my first out of town, long drive trip with friends (except for camps, retreats and field trips, of course)! Also, it’s been a long while since I visited Baguio. Definitely, this would not be the last!
♥ Ate Thine + Kuya Edrei
| Proposal (January19) and Wedding (December20) |
Sooo blessed with this lovely couple. It’s a plus that I knew their love story firsthand. God, bless their marriage! ♥
♥ Ignite 2013 (+ Pre-con)
| May28 to May31 |
Need I say more? Huhu this was so epic and memorable! To hear God’s message from the finest speakers, to worship together with young people on fire from different places! ♥ Go F1 (Alabang and LB!)
♥ Chain Reaction, VictoryLB Leaders’ Camp
| October21 to October23 |
From the start to the end! Got fired up and encouraged to honor God more and make disciples (woo!), learned a lot and got reminded with a lot of things sa mga sessions, enjoyed so much sa mga games at bonding moments, met new people, got amazed with the place (sobrang ganda sa Caliraya!), experienced God in a whole new level, heard from God (huhu, prophecy ♥), ate a lot din sa buffet hahahaha.
♥ Sync @ OB Montessori
| September09 |
Yey for this opportunity to be part of their recollection! Was so anxious and nervous at the start, but I had a great great time (and a life-changing experience!!). To those who’ve been part of my small group, hihi, I hope to see you again!
♥ Campus Tour + AlmOSAlan
| June09 and June10 |
Volunteered to be part of this to serve the incoming freshies! Paggising pa lang ng maaga, grace na eh! :P
CE - U1 batch 2013! ♥
♥ 10x - Campus series
| June23 and June30 |
Yaaaaaaaaay! Awesome. Fell in love more with the work behind the scenes! Go tech team ♥
| September27 |
I SO LOVE THIS SPIRITUAL FAMILY OF MINE!
♥ Biking101 @ LB
| April30 and May01 |
Haha. :) Because I don’t know how to ride a bike. Thank you teacher Karen! Huhu but I don’t think I know how to ride anymore :’(
♥ Events / Parties!
Hihi. This another new found love of miiiine. ♥ Loved to be part of surprises, events and parties! Got to help out in organizing some, and in set ups, designs, decors, and artsy stuff!! Simplest to career mode :D
- ATE RIA’s! Yay my favorite ♥
- Monique’s debut (Baguio & Center)
- Sam’s 19th @ McDo Acacia
- Joshua’s (medyo surprise)
- Pau’s (na anyare sa video, 10 years bago nabigay hehe)
- Ate Thine’s (surprise birthday pajama party @ Tita Phoebe’s & bridal shower @ MamaLou’s)
- helped Ate Ria a little for Ate Anj’s and RC’s :)
- Ate Ariana’s ♥
- Patty’s (super belated haha!)
- others that I forgot to mention huhu sorry!
♥ Hangouts / Dates with my favorite people!!!
- VG (Shake, Rattle, and Roll!) | January06
- Highschool girlfriends! (Bowling/Movie + Post-Christmas partyyyy!)
- KathClauJhillKrxa (DespicableMe2 and Spontaneous videoke day!)
- Catch up overnight with Ate Jo Anne! | June28
- Pitong overnight with Ate Ria, haha! =))
- LAHAT ng hangouts after Alabang youth service. Met new people at kung saan saan kumain at nakarating, haha!
- Dinner + nightouts + VGmeetings with LB-VGmates ♥
- Bonding with roomiiiies! ♥
- Date with Miriam (Bahay nila - FSalon - HBC - Krispy Kreme Festi - Ate Pol’s house)
- Date with Ate Thine (Sbarro + Krispy Kreme)
- Date with Ate Gel (Wendy’s)
- and of couuuurse my family!!! whether we stay only at home or pigout somewhere else or hangout at the mall.
Yes. No matter what. :>
credits to the owners of these photos! patawad sa pag-grab ng walang paalam. ♥
To the awkward girl who has a lot of unorganized thoughts, and gets tongue-tied every single time she voices them out. To the awkward girl who would very much prefer to keep it to herself, write it down on a piece of paper (or her phone’s notes or drafts) — sometimes, lets it go; sometimes, lets it linger on her mind. To the awkward girl who stutters and shakes and sweatsa lot when she gets shy or nervous (which is always). To the awkward girl who gets stressed when it is too quiet. To the awkward girl who gets stressed when it is too noisy. To the awkward girl who feels a lot comfortable being alone with her earphones on (that is for you to guess whether it is working or not). To the awkward girl who can’t seem to detach from her cellphone since it saves her from the awkward moments of her everyday life. To the awkward girl who gets overly sentimental most of the times. To the awkward girl who gets too clingy. To the awkward girl who overthinks a lot. To the awkward girl who dreads the thought that people she clings to get annoyed or fed up with her (#awwie). To the awkward girl who cries over every type of movie. To the awkward girl who gets pleased and amazed sooo easily. To the awkward girl who doesn’t even know how to sustain at least a five-statement-exchange with someone she just met, no matter how much she wants to engage! To the awkward girl who can’t seem to figure out how she got to have awesome and lovely friends, and keep them for life. ♥
Look back and see how far you’ve come. Look at the present and see how awesome your life is right now. Look forward for what’s about to happen to you and your awkward self – maybe you’ll stay awkward, maybe not. It doesn’t matter. It’s okay to be different from the crowd, you know, as you’ve known yourself to be, as what the first prophetic word you’ve received says. You have such a lovely life. See how His grace abounds! ☺